Have you ever been trotting along in your happy, jolly little life, and then suddenly something happens that completely changes the way you see everything?

That is the only way I know how to describe the last few weeks.

Losing Papa Jake was incredibly sad, but I think it triggered something much bigger in me than grief alone. It felt like I went from happy-go-lucky Lissy to, “Oh my goodness…this is life,” almost overnight.

Suddenly, I was thinking about getting older, about my parents, and about the fact that the people I love won’t always be here. I know this is something everyone eventually faces, but I don’t think I had ever truly let myself feel the weight of it before.

And honestly, it kind of overtook me.

I didn’t want to get out of bed. I didn’t want to work. Even Little Fish, which normally brings me so much joy, was the last thing I wanted to think about. For a couple of weeks, it felt like my life had just paused.

I have always thought of myself as a pretty positive person. When something is hard, I pull out my little toolbox of things that usually help me find my way back. But this time, not one tool in that box seemed to work.

I am finally starting to see a little light and feel more like myself again. I’m getting excited to return to Little Fish and the work that brings me so much happiness and purpose. But I also know I’m coming through this as a slightly different person.

I’m not sharing this because I think my experience is any harder than what so many others have been through. Actually, it is the opposite. I’m sharing it because I realize now how little I understood.

So before I jump back into Little Fish and all the happy things ahead, I just wanted to send love to anyone who has ever quietly carried grief, depression, anxiety or this kind of emptiness. I truly had no idea how hard it could be. I understand a little more now, and I have so much more empathy for all of you. 🤍